But I can tell you that this is what some men think. He always witholds or declines whenever I initiate, lets say 8/10 times I do. It would be the same thing as finding the right doctor for your ailment. He gets really, really into it. I just recently turned 30, and I have been telling him about my needs for the past couple years. To be completely honest I find this post very unfair. It’s difficult to be the one who almost always have to initiate intimacy. Newsflash: guys don't want to have sex all the time. I don’t think we ever laughed so hard during that discussion. However, the most common reason for men not initiating sex, or desiring their wives is the wide spread issue of pornography addiction in our society. One day my wife announced that she had never enjoyed relations with me, had always felt used by me, and henceforth would never again initiate relations. I wished my wife would read through it. She might just get “impatient”… . Start Your Marriage (and your Sex Life) off Well! He never initiated. I know there are lots of herbs that are libido boosters too! Also, he had a failed marriage before he came to the Lord. You doubt your love for her) This is so simple it’s ridiculous. I think I will find a good counselor, if only for myself. If it’s nothing like that, if he just has a low sex drive, then many women find that scheduling sex helps, if he’ll agree to that. Soy is very bad for men and can negatively affect children’s reproductive systems, and it’s in EVERYTHING! It’s how she gets off! I know that he had a hard childhood growing up with his parents off and on relationship practically his whole life, so it makes me wonder if the underlying issue is about not receiving love from either of his parents. Yes it is a big deal because of the man is interested, he needs to show that in his actions by initiating every once in awhile. Men rarely have any idea of how to show affection or share intimacy. Which is fine for me! Remember, you cannot control your husband. Whereas, I find when a woman becomes more sexual, with the goal of receiving more affection, we men are pretty quick to accept and reciprocate. In contrast, our husband is more likely to have noticed the behavior of a less demonstrative or stoic father. He might be too lazy for that. Maybe some people have that certain “chemistry” to a degree but honestly? I have tried talking to him and explained to him my needs but then again after few days back to square one. (And that's likely what he meant when he alluded to feeling less emotional toward you when you complained about his lack of affection. by Sheila Wray Gregoire | Oct 28, 2015 | Libido | 65 comments. I wouldn’t say that, of course, if sex just weren’t happening. “It’s just not him,” says Pizzulli. When we first started dating, he would kiss my forehead a lot and cuddle with me on the couch and in bed, touch me, tell me sweet compliments. I did mention it to him that I wanted sex and was hoping he would start off when we get to bed at night but no, he just slept of which is frustrating. Perhaps it is a matter of being overly criticized when growing up, or maybe in a work situation. It makes me feel like there’s something wrong with me, especially if he turns me down because he’s tired. Its more or less like I have just 10 minutes and lets get it done! Two live with the other parent so only 2 in our house full time. That way, she may not be so tired and may be more interested in “having fun” with you. My husband was exposed to porn at the age of 7. The best relationships are based on open communication, honesty and trust. We guys do have a sensitive side when it comes to sexual advances. Finally, I want to give a slightly different perspective. Parenting with a Foreign Accent: 3 Ways It’s Good to Be Different! I often hear from married folks who are quite distressed by the lack of affection in their marriage. When my wife is an enthusiastic participant I “need” less sex or am ok with longer intervals than when just her body shows up. We were sexually very compatible during intial days of marriage. As a woman I would rather have sex than financial security since I make more money but my husband never wants it. I was truly blessed and pulled out of this sickness. Every now and then she’d say okay, but she was never into it. To the husband, this reveals the priority that she gives to him and their marriage. We dont even exchange passionate kisses or cuddles aftermaking out. We’ve talked about it countless times and he hasn’t changed or started initiating. But most of it was because he just wasn’t that interested in it like I was and he’s a pretty passive guy in general and I’m more assertive/aggressive. As far as I know, the only things that can defile it would be using sex as a weapon, using sex to mentally, emotionally, or physically harm your partner, or bringing a third person into your sex life. My husband shows me no affection and its so hard for me to deal with but I do. I guess as women, we think as women would think. Husband doesn’t initiate sex anymore: I’m a 39-year-old woman, and my husband is 43. I feel not so good about it and recently I have been struggling with my libido as I feel like jumping his bones every other minute but I am scared to approach him. Which is fine BUT she still never initiates that she is in the mood with me … One way to not be as vulnerable is to never look at the person you are being intimate with. Then that power shifts to the men Its a true sexual compromise where no one is happy. Thanks! We love your comments, and want this to stay a safe place for you! I do have a 4-part series on what to do when your husband has no libido–hope that helps! Ruth this sounds so similar to my husband. Why would a husband not want to show affection to his wife?". Most men are turned on by that. But until then, ask yourself: is my husband not initiating a sign that there’s a deep problem in our marriage (scenario 1 above)? If you feel disconnected or frustrated about the state of your marriage but want to avoid separation and/or divorce, the marriage.com course meant for married couples is an excellent resource to help you overcome … It’s a common dynamic, and it’s very dangerous. Try something like: "sometimes, when it's been a while since you've kissed or hugged me, it makes me feel a bit unloved."